


A Fight To End It All

by Siubhantheelfninja



Category: Psych
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Parent-Child Relationship, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:37:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3933583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siubhantheelfninja/pseuds/Siubhantheelfninja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fight to end it all</p><p>****** (PROMPT) ******<br/>http://www.psychfic.com/modules/challenges/challenges.php?chalid=69</p><p>So Shawn and Henry have a fight- nothing new, right?- but this time, Henry says something to Shawn that's almost completely unforgivable- could be anything, like "we'd be better off if you were never born" or "you're the reason my marriage failed"- just something that hits Shawn so bad he walks out the door without a word and refuses to talk to or about his father afterward. And now Henry has to find a way to fix it. would be cool if the detectives got involved too, on either side of the fight (though I can't see how anyone could be on Henry's side in this case).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I still can't believe he said that to me. I mean, sure, my dad and I have had a great share of fights before, but this just took it too far. And sure, maybe I egged him on, but you don't just tell people things like that, especially your own son. 

It had started like any normal day, I was out for a run, when I stopped to get ice cream. And when I say "run" I mean I jogged the last 15 feet to the ice cream store. I had invited Gus, but he had blown me off saying that he has a "job" and that I need to "grow up" and not wake up at 1 pm and get ice cream for lunch. Excuse me, but I have a job too, Guster, and it's at a police station, not selling drugs. Okay, before I get you in trouble from writing this, I do realize that you're a pharmaceutical salesman, and not some random junkie on the streets, but still.

Anyways, after getting a nice chocolate ice cream since I felt pretty fudgey today, I left, and walked to the police station. When I got there, I saw the usual. Lassiter trying to fix his life problems and get in good with the chief, Juliet stressing to create worry lines over her perfect face, and low scale criminals trying to bail themselves out of staying overnight with the guards and new roommates. The usual. The chief came over to me and asked me how I was doing, and I said I was doing all right. 

For some reason, out of all the people I could have to my feelings to, I had decided to confide in the chief. Maybe it's because I didn't want to worry anyone else, or maybe it's because she mandated that I talked to a Psych minus the ic. I thought, 'Why the fuck would I keep my feelings from Karen?' Also, if I hadn't actually been honest, she was probably going to fire me. So, yes, she knows everything about me now. She seemed concerned, I thought I might as well satisfy her so that she could become even more concerned.

She promised not to tell anyone anything that happened in these sessions as long as I tell the truth and at least try to get better. She didn't care that I wasn't really Psychic as long as she knows that I went to a police academy and that I'm not going to ruin her career and the whole police station. I was good with this, mainly because this is the only job I've held for more than half a year.

I went into her office, where she already had the curtains closed. The Psych was already waiting in her chair to begin the session. We skipped small talk and got straight to the conversation, we've only got an hour, and this is how I like this. "So, Shawn, we've touched on this a bit in prior sessions, but I think it would benefit you if we talked about your relationship with your dad, as a child and now."

I said I would answer anything she asked, but this is the hardest question I've ever had to answer. I look to ground, wishing that I wasn't here. Wishing that none of this ever happened, wishing that I was never born, all because of a stupid question. I don't know how to answer this to express my distaste for Henry but also enough that they don't tell him everything. "We're fine."

"You're obviously not, or you wouldn't have been so uncomfortable at that question." She looked at me sternly, " I think this is really important to your story, Shawn, and important to your recovery. I looked up at her and looked her in the eyes. "I don't want to." With that, I got up and walked out of the Chief's office, straight into my father. "Dad? What are you doing here?" I asked startled and frankly, about to cry. "I used to work here, Shawn. I may be old but some of my friends aren't and they still work here." He said gruffly.

I looked back at Karen, who had seen this whole interaction, and knew I had to leave.

"Um, Father Dearest, I must be going now. Have a great day!." 

And with that, I scurried out of the police station and I couldn't get home fast enough.


	2. Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guise,  
> So I decided to add another chapter onto this fic. It's pretty short, but so am I, so I'm sorry. Hope you enjoy.

Running. It's actually something I'm quite good at.

Running from commitments,

Running from promises,

Running from life.

When life gets to hard, it's easier just to press the pause button and get the hell out of there while it's still a little bit okay, and people can forget about whatever I fucked up. Then, after a few weeks, or sometimes months, you can go back, and basically hit the reset button.

This is what I have to do right now, at this moment. I can't stand to go back and face the Chief, or the counselor, or my dad, or anyone. I can't go back. I have to leave and get some fresh air for a while.

I'm already packed and almost ready to leave. I have a backpack ready 24/7 just in case of this exact situation. Which happens a lot actually. It's probably not the best idea, and it probably hurts people, leaving them with my problems, my burdens, but it's what I know how to do. It's what I'm used to. It's what I've been taught. And I've got to do it again.

There's just one thing I have to do before I go. I have to leave a note at least for Gus, because he hates when I leave, especially without telling him, so it's the least I can do.

I head over to the psych office and leave a note on the computer. It's not the most creative way, but Gus isn't that good at thinking creatively, or at all during stressful situations. I leave quickly, with just my backpack on my back with two pairs of clothes, a toothbrush, deodorant, and $200. That should hold me for a few days at least, then I can get a job or something there.

I'll be fine, I just need to go. I'll be back soon, I'll be fine, I swear.

_x Hey Guster! How you hanging? I hope you're good, Magic Head. How am I doing, you ask? Why, I'm great, I'm swell. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. See you soon, Gus x_


	3. Here We Go Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is so short. I am not sure where I want to be going with this story. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Gus grasped the cell phone for dear life, desperately trying to make some sense of the situation. 

"Don’t worry? How am I supposed to not worry. Shawn left a note on my computer that told me not to worry about him!"

"Gus calm down. He’s done this before, and you know that. This is how he copes with things, which I agree, is a shitty way of dealing, but it’s his way. Leave him be. He’ll come back eventually.”

“Why did he do this? Did something happen? He usually only runs if something happens. Remember that time in the eight grade when—“ Gus rambled, but stopped when Henry cut him off.

“I’m sure it was just something stupid and petty and we’ll see him making 80's references and acting like a bafoon at the police department again by the end of the week. Now, I’m going to get some sleep, and I suggest you do the same, Guster.”

Gus didn’t get any sleep that night. He knew Shawn has never skipped town for less than three months before. He doesn’t know what caused him to skip town this time, but Shawn sure as hell isn’t going to come back anytime soon.

———

I can’t believe I did it. I just ran. I mean, I can believe it, it’s what I've done my whole life, but during my time in Santa Barbara not once have I run.

The chief is going to hate me, oh my god, I’m not going to have a job when I go back—

if I go back

The only stable job I’ve had in, well, ever, is gone.

I’m so stupid; I freaked out like the 17 year old who was mad at his dad and skipped town. Now, I’m a grown man that’s too afraid of his daddy to stay in the same town and talk about him. Pathetic. 

I know what my dad must be thinking right now, that I’m a huge fucking drama queen, but I’m not, his police training just never covered what to do when you get stressed out other than running for your life, so that’s what I do. 

This is sort of my dad’s fault anyways. I mean the topic of discussion was my relationship with him and he already said something big to piss me off today, so I don’t feel as bad. My running is justified.

At least I can do this—run away, feel the wind in my hair as I ride my bike down the highway. That’s why I have a motorcycle: to pick up and leave when I need to. I can make a new life for now and then, you know, eventually, in 5 or 10 years, I’ll go back to Santa Barbara. I’d been there way too long. 

I’m glad I’m leaving.


	4. Dear Gus...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: this chapter is SUPER short, but I'm just trying to post. Please let me know in the comments what you want to see happen next. 
> 
> Also, I know Henry is a bit OOC, but I don't think he really means it, and he'll say that later in the story. He was just a bit grumpy and overreacted.

It’s been a very long month. I feel like I left so long ago, but it’s only been 31 days. I miss you and I want to go back, but I don’t want to give my dad that satisfaction of me crawling back to him again.

Honestly, I don’t know what I should do at this point. I ran away, I’m living in some crappy motel in the middle of nowhere in Nebraska, where my bike decided to run out of gas in. I have a job at the gas station down the street, so I only have enough cash on me to stay in the motel for a little while longer.

I’m not doing too well. I’ve gone back to a few of my self-destructive tendencies. When I ran out of my anti-depressants, I didn’t bother refilling them. I stopped eating as much—almost completely—to save money, of course. A few nights ago I cut my thighs open for the first time in so many years and I feel kind of pathetic. It reminded me why I got so hooked on cutting before. It’s such a nice release.

I know what you’re going to say, Gus. You’ll tell me that I should stop and that I’m gonna hurt myself, possibly even kill myself, if I’m not paying attention. Well, Gus, maybe that’s what I want. I’ll never be good enough for my dad. I’m not the by-the-rules, no-funny-business cop of a son he has always wanted. I’m a psychic, and a fake one at that. I figure since I didn’t talk to the counselor that Vick is gonna go ahead and tell everyone that I’m a fraud and I’m gonna get fired and maybe even arrested. I just locked up, Gus. It wasn’t even a big question, and I was just still pissed at my dad for what he had told me the night before, and I froze. I didn’t know what to do, and I ran. I’m so stupid

———

"Shawn, what is this?"

"Dad, I can explain”

“No Shawn I don’t want to hear it. I go to turn on my computer, and I find that you have left it open on porn. And not just any porn, gay porn. I did not raise you this way. I will not tolerate it."

——— 

So, Gus, please don’t feel too bad. Nothing I have ever done has ever been your fault. I’m the immature one that makes the stupid decisions. You're so much better off without me. Take care of Juliet and the Chief. Hell, even take care of Lassie and my dad if you need to.

I’ll see ya later, Magic Head.


End file.
